Months ago, while I was watching Firefly Lane on Netflix, I heard this line. It hit me and made so much sense to me. It wasn’t something super deep but true.
Without further ado, here’s the quote:
“You don’t get married to be happy. You get married to have someone to share your unhappiness with.”Tully
There may be a lot of people in the universe, who think that finding a significant other is the key to their happiness and that person will make them happy. In my opinion, making ourselves happy cannot be the responsibility of anyone but us.
I admire Valeria and Gary Lipovetsky’s marriage a lot. They are one of the “couple goals” for me1. Two hardworking individuals who always support each other to be able to become their best selves… They are honest with each other even in front of the camera. Here comes a quote from Valeria about marriage and happiness.
I remember when we got married, I had a crazy amount of expectations of what my husband will provide; he’ll be my best friend, my therapist, my lover, the father to my children. We’ll enjoy the same activities, be constantly in tune with each other, he’ll know exactly what to say to make me feel better all the time, he’ll help me grow as a person mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and so on and on and on. Pretty exhausting isn’t it ?? It took me quite a bit of fine tuning to take all this pressure off of one person, a person who I want to spend the rest of my life with without us resenting each other. What I’ve realized through it all is that it’s too easy to get disappointed when we put all our needs and happiness on one person, it’s better to distribute it and outsource ? First and foremost, 100% of my happiness is on me. Maintaining the passion in our marriage and operating as partners with daily mundane things is on Gary and I. Some things and conversations are reserved only for me and my girlfriends. There are also hobbies and certain activities I can enjoy with other friends who share the passion for them as me. A professional therapist can be WAY more beneficial and less taxing on the relationship than turning to your partner at all times and asking them to help you deal with your sh*t. There’s always going to be an overlap but the weight on the relationship’s shoulders is not as heavy, and you know what? It keeps the mystery alive ?✨Valeria Lipovetsky
And this is my favorite video of theirs. I love how genuine they are.
Despite what I think at the moment, I’m sure there was a time in my life when I thought someone was missing and I’ll be happy when I find him. Of course, without a doubt, a significant other should make one happier. But to be able to get happier you need to be happy at some level already. It’s not a surprise that good things find us unexpectedly faster when we are getting along with ourselves better.
“Happiness is an inside job. Don’t assign anyone else that much power over your life.”Mandy Hale
So, I agree that instead of desperately searching for someone, you’d want to live a life or have passions, so that someone would want to be a part of it. That’s why people usually end up in a relationship when they start to like being single and spending time with themselves.
In my opinion, instead of focusing on the other person’s happiness, there are better things to prioritize. There was a question that had been asked to Valeria. It was “How do I know if a guy is worthy of me?” and Valeria answered it with two questions.
• Does he make you feel worthy?
• Does he make you love yourself more?
The last one has stuck with me.
1 The other couples on my goals list are Claudia & Finneas, Jonna & Johan… this list may get bigger over time!
You might also want to read: What to do when you don’t fit in?